A Wedding in the Manner of Friends

On July 31, 2016, Friends gathered at RFM to celebrate a wedding in the manner of Friends.  The couple was married in a civil ceremony in France three years ago, however there was no religious ceremony here in the United States... until now.  The groom is a member of the Meeting, and his parents informed the Meeting earlier this summer of the young couple's intention to celebrate the marriage in the manner of Friends.  Since the couple had already gone through discernment by convening a clearness committee years ago, the Meeting enthusiastically welcomed the notion of celebrating the occasion here at RFM.  

Upon entering the Meetinghouse, the community room where post-Meeting fellowship is held was decorated in orange splendor with each table and place setting having some shade of the vibrant color -- the bride's favorite color.  The groom's parents had decorated the room in such a way that it invited Light.  Inside the Meeting Room, the air conditioning was humming away quietly and created an atmosphere conducive to reflecting in silence without the cumbersome and oppressive humidity to distract us from our thoughts.  There was a gorgeous flower arrangement at the front of the Meeting Room, again designed by the groom's mother.  The setting was set for the joyous occasion.  

Approximately 30 Friends and guests gathered in the Meeting Room and settled into silence.  Our clerk welcomed everyone, explained to those unfamiliar with Quaker wedding and Meeting for Worship how the next 60 minutes were to proceed, and invited everyone at the conclusion of the Meeting to sign the marriage certificate.  

Shortly thereafter, the couple stood up and recommitted themselves to each other with their marriage vows and a kiss.  And that's the marriage!  As one Friend said, "There was no pricking of fingers and mixing of blood, no tying of a cord that encircles the couple.  They married each other with their words.  It's simple as that... words convey so much power, just as much as silence is an act in of itself."  

It was certainly a "gathered" Meeting as the Spirit of love made its way through many Friends, and many of them were moved to speak and stood up to offer messages of love, support, observation, and advice.  One can only imagine how the couple was feeling as each person stood to address the couple. One Friend was so moved by the experience that she said, "I want to embrace you both with so much love."  When she sat down, Friends encouraged her to stand back up and approach the couple and actually embrace them.... and embrace them she did, along with a gentle kiss.  The mother and father of the groom stood up and delivered messages that only parents know how to in such occasions -- imbued with a lifetime of love.  It was quite easy for us to see how each of them was beaming with pride in seeing their son marry the woman of his dreams, and to welcome their daughter-in-law into the Quaker fold.  The bride and groom each stood up separately to poingantly acknowledge their gratitude and appreciation to each other and to the Meeting for their support.  This Meeting for Worship ended with all those present to sign their names on the marriage certificate, which will be framed and displayed prominently in the young couple's home.  

After the ceremony, we gathered in the Community Room.  While guests were queuing to greet and congratulate the couple, members of the Meeting worked expeditiously to set up the buffet luncheon by taking food out of the ovens and prepare the drinks.  The meal was delicious -- typical of when Friends gather, it was wholesome.  Given the sheer magnitude of guests, the meal was catered, however, the wedding cake was something to definitely write home to about: the groom's mother had prepared a stunning homemade, made-from-scratch cake with butterscotch icing topped with five vibrant fresh-cut orange flowers (orange, again, being the favorite color of the bride). 

All in all, it was a joyous time for RFM, and we extend our best wishes to Evan and Christelle for a lifetime of love and joy with the occasional moments of silence to reflect and marvel at the love each has for the other.  

Friends Journal: Call for submissions

So, who here at RFM would like to collaborate and co-author an article to submit to Friends Journal? 

Upcoming deadlines to submit contributions to FJ:

August 8: social media and technology / books (Nov. 2016)

September 5: giving and philanthropy (Dec. 2016)

More information (including upcoming themes and deadlines for 2017) can be found here.  

New York Yearly Meeting: On the killings in Minneapolis, Baton Rouge, and Dallas

Dear Friends,  
Last Wednesday, Yearly Meeting staff sent out the following press release, reflecting on the recent killings in Minneapolis, Baton Rouge, and Dallas.  Given the press of work preparing for summer sessions, and the desire to not overwhelm your inboxes, we did not send out a global to share that message with you, which is our usual practice. Given subsequent events, it seems best to send this to you now, as we have heard from the Priorities process that Friends wish for us to be more proactive in giving voice to Friends principles and how we apply our faith in the world.

                                                                         FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE                                            July 13, 2016

CONTACT: Christopher Sammond, General Secretary

917-613-6314

nyym.gensec@gmail.com

Quakers speak out about the killings in Minneapolis, Baton Rouge, and Dallas

An open letter to Communities of Faith in the United States encouraging peaceful discourse, nonviolent action, and unity

My eyes fail from weeping, I am in torment within; my heart is poured out on the ground because my people are destroyed. . . . Your wound is as deep as the sea. Who can heal you?                                                                       

Lamentations 2:11-13 (New International Version)

Each time there is another death, it shatters the numbness that all is well in our land.

Each time another innocent black man is killed by our police, it shatters the illusion that all is well, that we as a society do not live in the middle of an ongoing nightmare.

Each time another black man is killed by police, we respond with vigils, with prayer, with statements, giving vent to our grief. But with each killing, the next seems more inevitable. So, far too often, we do what we have done far too many times before, grieving the violence and injustice while feeling helpless to prevent either.

This is not enough. Grief upon grief upon grief all too easily can turn to impotent rage.

This is not just our police. And this is not one enraged and violent man seeking vengeance. This is all of us. We are all of us embroiled in a system that has to change. How many more will have to die before we have the courage to change it? How many must die before we do something other than grieve, make memorials, hold vigils, or rage?

We, the people of New York Yearly Meeting, grieve the loss of so many black men, now at least 144* in this year alone, killed by our police. We lift up the names of Philando Castile and Alton Sterling, remembering these most recent deaths among too, too many deaths. And we decry the killing of our police in Dallas— Lorne Ahrens, Michael Krol, Michael J. Smith, Brent Thompson, and Patrick Zamarripa—and the hatred that lies behind that violence. We reject the simplistic answers that lead to blame, hatred, and violence. We seek instead to better understand and to root out the seeds of racism within ourselves, to understand how we are all, every one of us, a part of the problem of systemic structural racism in this country, of which the killing of black men and the Dallas police are the most painful and immediate symptoms.

We invite all people of faith to join us in looking in the mirror that these killings hold up before us. We invite all people of faith to grieve, and to mourn, not just these killings, but for our broken, torn, and bleeding country. And then we invite people of faith to seek repentance for our collective sin of structural racism, to learn its roots in each of our lives, and to pray for Divine guidance as to how to act to heal our broken nation.

We know that violence begets more violence, creating a never-ending cycle of violence and retribution. We reject all justifications for violence, and support all those who strive non-violently for social justice, and who exercise non-violent freedom of speech and civil disobedience. We know the power of love to heal our brokenness. In this time of heightening tensions, we call on all people of faith to actively promote peaceful discourse, non-violent responses to violence, unity in our communities, justice, and peace.

We urge all people of faith to work constructively with their local police, promoting justice and encouraging the retraining of our police so that lethal force is not the first recourse to a perceived threat.

May God have mercy on us.

Lucinda Antrim, Clerk

Christopher Sammond, General Secretary

New York Yearly Meeting Of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers)

* The Guardian, July 13, 2016: http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2015/jun/01/the-counted-police-killings-us-database.

                                                                       – END –

RFM hosts Helping Hands of Rockland

RFM joins other houses of worship in Rockland County to house a few members of our larger community who seek a safe place to sleep and a warm meal through the organization, Helping Hands of Rockland.  When we host guests from Helping Hands, an average of 40 individuals seek shelter in our Meetinghouse and are provided a nutritious meal in accordance with the Quaker tenets of COMMUNITY and STEWARDSHIP.  

Earlier this winter, Eric answered the call to serve dinner one evening.  Unbeknownst to him (he had just started attending Meeting with us), he didn't know that we host up to 40 guests.  He thought he could just prepare a few roast chickens and vegetables... for, like, 10 guests.  Thankfully, he found out that he had to prepare for 40, so he took the initiative to raise funds through a GoFundMe page, with the goal of raising $350 to cater a meal with prepared food purchased from Costco.  Well, he raised over $600 through a targeted and successful campaign on his social media platforms; that's enough to cater TWO meals.  (The next meal will be sometime this Fall when Helping Hands returns to RFM for a few days.)  

Menu: 20 rotisserie chickens (carved by Eric's parents and separated between dark and white meats), kale salad, sauteed broccoli and sauteed haricot vert, macaroni & cheese, and to sweeten the meal at the end, trays of fresh fruit and an assortment of cookies.  (Keeping with the tenet of Stewardship of environment, we saved the carcasses of the rotisserie chickens and offered them to the members and attenders of RFM to use to make chicken broth.  All 20 were claimed!)

Here are some pictures of the dinner Eric catered, with the assistance of Kara, Ethan, and Karl.  Many of the guests expressed their gratitude for the wholesome meal.   

RFM Responds to Orlando Massacre #LoveThyNeighbor

As Quakers, two of our central Tenets are PEACE and COMMUNITY.  In conjunction with the Friends Council on National Legislation, we have decided to join other Friends Meetings around the country to show our love and support to Orlando and hold them in the Light during this very dark time in our nation's history.  This violence against the LGBTQ community in Orlando saddens us deeply and we stand in solidarity with them.  #LoveThyNeighbor

Refections on Thanksgiving. Thankful for what? Part 1

Thanksgiving, what a strange holiday it is for me. What a strange holiday it is for our country.  

In elementary school, I was taught that the first Thanksgiving was a celebration of the Pilgrims' first bountiful harvest. They invited the Native Americans who taught them how to grow corn and farm the land. They even established a peace treaty. It wasn't lost on me even at a young age that the very people the Pilgrims celebrated their bounty with were the same people other Englishmen would persecute and kill only a few years later. 

As a high school student, I was still upset by the contradictions of Thanksgiving.  I partook in the festivities, but not until I gave my parents speeches about all the broken peace treaties between the newcomers and Indigenous Americans.

Years later after my daughter's first grade Thanksgiving play romanticized the holiday, I knew I had to tell both my kids the truth.  I told them how the Puritans followed after the Pilgrims when they learned of the bountiful crops and  peace treaties with the Native Americans. I told them of the bloodshed and subsequent stealing of native lands that followed soon after the first and last peaceful Thanksgiving. Incorporated in our discussion was how First Americans probably feel about the holiday now. 

After years on my soap box, I got off of it. I tried focusing more on praising God for my blessings and working to help bestow God's blessing on those who were most in need. I was comfortable with my new outlook for a short period. For so many in our country, Thanksgiving seemed to be an excuse to be anything but grateful. Thanksgiving for so many marked the start of the season of greed. 

In my estimation, greed is the perfect connection between modern day Thanksgiving and historical Puritan Thanksgivings. For one fleeting moment, America's newcomers were thankful for what God had blessed them with. Almost immediately, they wanted more. They wanted more land and more control of the lands through enslavement and killing Native Americans. They were not thankful at all, they were covetous.  In present day, many Americans rush eating their Thanksgiving dinner, some even skip the meal all together, because what they have been blessed with isn't nearly enough. Blessings forgotten, the insatiable appetite for more takes over and they leave for the sales at the mall.

slow down and see

As an adult we may remark on a beautiful day, but can we notice the day as if we were a child? If we take a walk, can we focus on the leaves on the trees and how the breeze move them, their myriad colors and textures. Can we focus our gaze long enough to reveal in the sensory experience. 

I believe we can because we knew how to do this when we were children. It is just a matter of slowing down to a child's pace to allow ourselves the luxury of time to take in what we normally rush past. 

Powell House Retreat 2015

We gathered in Old Chatham for our annual retreat.  The building that we stay in, is an old mansion located by a pond and surrounded by woods. On Friday night, we met with old and new Friends. Later, we shared objects which had connectivity to our spiritual journeys.  

On Saturday morning, more Friends joined us for worship sharing on queries; How did you come to Quakerism and why did you stay? What does it mean to be Quakers? We then broke up the silence with a rousing game of A Big Wind Blows. We shared on queries through a different structure, called Wagon Wheel. In this activity we formed a circle within a circle. Each person spoke for two minutes to the Friend opposite them about the quality of the life of our Meeting. 

9/23 - Brunch RFM meeting

This morning, the youth of RFM gathered at the Carrolls' house for brunch as a meeting to modify and improve the RFM website. Lucy (Jackson) made home fries as Sylke made eggs, and Liz made pancakes. Included was a bowl of mixed fruits. 

Whilst eating our brunch, we discussed what we might like to do to the website to help improve it. We had a small debate and in the end we came to a consensus.

Everyone did their part contributing to either the photos or the written components of the website (and/or the food!)

I